The Dali Mama

Women want to be wanted. Men need to be needed

Oh, so this is where the problem lies. I got home yesterday from a 4 day visit with my mother. Mothers can explain anything in the most simplistic terms and they are always right. At least mine is. Want to know the secrets of the universe, just ask my mother. My Mom is like the Dali Lama of all mothers. My great sin is that I never learned to ask the right questions at the right time. And like all great and mysterious oracles my Mom is not about to just volunteer this information. One must come to the mother on ones knees requiring enlightenment in a specific area of ones miserable life. Then all will be revealed. It’s a very Zen fucking moment. A too late to matter Zen fucking moment but a moment nonetheless. So tonight, I’m a bit in my cups, as a friend describes it, which means I’m drunk or working on it and writing. So women want to be wanted and men need to be needed. My problem according to Mom is that I don’t need a man I just want one.
You see daughter men don’t like educated, intelligent, self-sufficient women. They prefer semi retarded women like say Paris Hilton for example. You need a catch phrase like, “That’s hot” or you need to be overly concerned with what labels you are wearing and where you are being seen. Oh and don’t be afraid to fall face first, or any other available orifice, on any penis you may encounter. Nothing says needy like being an insecure fuck bunny. Now sweetie if you think that you can live with that then you go right ahead and be that kind of woman. Mama loves you either way, but I’m betting you have a problem with the lifestyle. You could stay the course and hope to one day find that rarity among men, a man who loves being wanted by a woman who does not necessarily need him.

Geez Ma thanks you’re a peach.

Anything else you’d like to ask dear.

No, the insight that I may have to pretend to have the IQ of fruit fly in order to get laid is plenty to digest right now. I was going to ask you about my troubled marriage but I’m depressed enough as it is. I’ll save those questions for Thanksgiving.

All right, have it your way honey. You know you can always call.

I’m sure of one thing right now. I both want and need another drink and that chilled bottle of Chardonnay does not care one way or another how I feel about it. So, if you folks will excuse me I’m about to go and have my way with it. Later.